you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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