I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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