btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
