Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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