I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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