i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
