I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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