Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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