I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize