She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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