I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
