I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
