you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
3 2 1 whiskey
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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