My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
