im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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