You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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