Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
