matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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