So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
