Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
