I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
