this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
