fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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