I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
