You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize