is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
