so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
