my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
