How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
