your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
