I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
