I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
