i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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