You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
