so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
