I'm eating all of the evidence.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
