This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
