The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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