I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
