You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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