i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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