I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
