My room smells like vodka and shame
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize