He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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