Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
