Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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