I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
