Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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