My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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