When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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