I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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