2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
