i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize