How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think my vagina is haunted
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize