I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
