Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
