So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
