I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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