we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
