So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
