when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
