Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
