It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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