I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
