I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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