Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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