I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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