dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i have two assholes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
