who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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