Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
