I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
