It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
