it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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