i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
