i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
