My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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