I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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