help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
