I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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