I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
