How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
