butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
